So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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