About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
