Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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