its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
