It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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