I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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