I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
