you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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