Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
