Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
