apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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