This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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