do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
