im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
