sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize