the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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