Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
