I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
