I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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