I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
