I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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