i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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