He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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