I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
