He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have tasted many bathrooms
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
