I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
