JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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