Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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