Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
