WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
