Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
