I am in a vortex of obligation.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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