K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
