totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
