Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
