Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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