the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
