I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Enjoy the penises
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
