My hand turned me down
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
