Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
