If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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