i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
