He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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