can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
