i was born a porn star she said
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize