he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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