He kissed a someone with a penis
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
