How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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