i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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