Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i think im in europe. pls send help
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
