Someone shit on the floor
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
