did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
