he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
