I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
