I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
