Princesses don't give blow jobs
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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