So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
