Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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