eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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