please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
