Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
