I didn't shave. On purpose
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
