I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
