The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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