So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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