Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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