My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize