Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
