that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
