so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
