You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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